Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
