very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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