I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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