My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
