hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
