i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
