well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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