after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
