I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
