If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
