are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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