have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
