I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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