go do what you do best...puke behind churches
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
