the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
