he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
they're like a gay fantastic four
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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