i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
