Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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