Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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