Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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