doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
