I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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