This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize