You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
