those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It was a blind-side dick pic.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
