This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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