whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
