I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
