So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
