So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
