So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize