peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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