What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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