I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
