I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
