my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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