Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
