The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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