Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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