Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
