Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
