You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Every concussion has its silver lining
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
