I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
