what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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