But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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