I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
