I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
