My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
