paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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