Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
