my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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