If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
