Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You're like the curious george of whores
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
