New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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