my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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