I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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