he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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