i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
