I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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