Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
