the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
