More tranny stories later!
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
