Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
