His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
