well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
