My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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