I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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