i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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