ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I puked a lego.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
