Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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