If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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