There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
