i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
