Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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