i always forget guys have bellybuttons
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
