I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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