And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
