I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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