he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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