I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
