I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So vagazzling was a success
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
