hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
