Someone shit on the floor
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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