Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
