I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
