and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
