dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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