So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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