This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Damn victory sex feels great
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
