I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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