I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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