Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
