dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
