we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
