Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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