Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
