I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
