Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
