It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
