so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
