do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
