We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
