It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
