I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
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