I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
