She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
